I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
