Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
