THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
