I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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