also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
