he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
