I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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