dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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