I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
