I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
