I need to stop coming to work sober
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize