She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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