Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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