I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
