How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
