Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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