White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
