Tell her she can't have a vagina
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize