Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
