i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize