i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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