Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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