Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
