I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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