We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
