I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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