I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
