i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
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What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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