Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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