I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Randomize
