dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
