the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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