On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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