you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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