I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
