I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
