I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life