I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
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I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
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Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler