I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog