My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My pussy is not your playground.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.