So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
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Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
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They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.