Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
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You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!