Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
