I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
