you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
