I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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