I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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