I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
