so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
All I want is dick and wine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
