I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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