It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
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At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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