My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
