Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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