omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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