Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
