Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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