so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
