She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
