Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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