Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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