It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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