I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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